#007: Holiday Triggers

Speaker 1: 0:00

You're listening to the groove with Devin Pence and Reggie ham.

Speaker 2: 0:07

You have to take risks that will be disappointments and failures and disasters as a result of taking these risks. This task was acquainted to you, and if you do not find a way, great moments are born, great opportunity. And that's what you have here in the end. That's all we really are. I just stories. Stories are what our lives are made up of. Stories, how we remember people and stories make us feel a little less alone in the world. What's up everybody? This is Devin Pence. This is Reggie ham and welcome to a, I guess what we could call the, the holiday edition of the group podcast. Yes. The holiday edition of the groove. Yeah. So, uh, as we were talking about just a few minutes before we start recording, uh, the holidays can always bring ups all sorts of different emotions, um, across the board. So many emotions from time you're a child, the time you're an adult and the things you experience. Um, but I thought maybe what we could talk about today is a couple of things as to how, uh, first of all, maybe you know, some of your experiences. I'd love to hear about that because obviously that sparked, um, your novella that you wrote, which I'd love to talk about. Um, and then maybe talk about how, uh, freelancers or creatives or, um, just artists in general who kind of, uh, work nonstop cause that's how they make their living, um, react to the holidays, you know, and the stopping point. Does that sound good

Speaker 1: 1:51

dude? Absolutely. I think that's really important. I think a lot of people would be resonating with that because the holidays trigger us one way or another, you know. Um, I've always thought the hollow, there's a lot of, there are a lot of stakes attached to the two, particularly Christmas. You know what I mean? It's like if something bad happens to you on Christmas, you remember that the rest of your life, you know, because Christmas comes every year and it's all, there are all these stakes attached to it. Uh, if something Rae happens to you on Christmas, uh, you know, that, that colors the rest of the, you know, the rest of your Christmases. I've always felt like, like you don't want, like, this is going to sound horrible. I've never, I like, I always want to make sure if I could, I just don't want to die around the holidays, you know what I mean? Cause it'll really, it'll affect my kids. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't want, you don't want anybody to die around the holidays. You don't want any kind of tragedy to happen. It's like you're just really walking gingerly. Like, man, let this thing go great with this thing. Go great. You know? Well, I know and, and you know, unfortunately, you know, as the older we get, you know, these things kind of happen in my, my grandmother

Speaker 3: 3:00

passed away, uh, right around the holidays. Um, uh, just a quick story that my wife and I, that particular year in our great wisdom decided to spend Christmas in Vegas. What could go wrong? You know, Hey, you know, so many Santa clauses, uh, and you know, we were there and we were, you know, you know, enjoying ourselves and, and I got the call from my dad and, uh, this is just a few days after Christmas. Um, if I remember correctly. And now, you know, of course, every year it's kinda like, you know, and then the whole family, you know, grandma, this is the time of year. It's been five years since grandma passed away. And you know, it's, it's, that's a tough memory to do. Um, but you're right, it, it runs the emotion, like, you know, so

Speaker 1: 3:43

yeah, it will never, you know, and you'll always have that like the rest of your life. You'll remember that your grandmother passed away around the holidays. I, my wife and I got married two days after Christmas.

Speaker 3: 3:57

And are you tying them with death

Speaker 1: 4:00

or you know, when horrible things happen to you around the holiday? No, my wife and I got married two days after Christmas, mainly because, and we discussed the fact that we'll, we'll, you know, it'll be Fest it, it'll be a festive season. We'll already be celebrating. I mean, this was our rationale, you know, we'll never forget it. You know, we'll always remember it. I promise you, every year we, one of us forget, Oh my gosh, our anniversary is coming up, you know, because we're so exhausted from the holidays that we forget that literally two days later we have an anniversary, you know, it's,

Speaker 3: 4:31

well then we have with the kids and everything and all the pumps, circumstance, you're like, Oh man. And then I would imagine that, uh, the anniversary and it's like, Hey, let's go to crystal or

Speaker 1: 4:42

somehow now we, we always managed to figure it out, but, but it's not just, it's not just me that it's, and it's not even really about forgetting. It's about, it just sort of sneaks up on you, you know, cause you've got Christmas and you got the day after Christmas and you're, Oh my gosh, we're, this is our anniversary, you know, so we didn't think it through. Imagine that young young people not thinking something through.

Speaker 3: 5:05

Well, it's always the right thing at the time when you're at age. Um, but it does, it, it hits, you know, we talk about having kids and, and the excitement from the time, I don't know about you guys, but it's like, you know, even when you're having like a little baby, you just want to have that big Christmas thing. And then as they get older, it's like every Christmas becomes this sort of event. And then if you're involved in like church or whatever, you know, you remember the church, Christmas Cantata is different things like that. You're doing that and you're, you know, it's just a busy hubub time of year. Um, before a lot of people, uh, myself included, you know, you're talking about triggers, man. For me, I, you know, we always managed to do the big Christmas, right? We had great Christmas for the kids. You know, we always had that time of, uh, you know, Claus and so forth and so on. But for me professionally, um, it would toss me into a depression mode. Like, you know, sometimes to a dark place because I, the other 11, 364 days a the year or whatever it is, I am just my eye turning. I'm churning, I'm churning and churning and suddenly everything stops. Yeah. You know, my clients are gone for two weeks. I don't know what to do. I didn't know what to do with myself. And, uh, for me it would put me in a place of, you know, we used to talk about this all the time about, Hey, you know, just don't look down.

Speaker 1: 6:38

And that's the time you do, you end up looking down because you got nothing else to do.

Speaker 3: 6:42

And then you start, you know, in at least my process was as I started thinking about, man, how am I even doing this anyway? I have a family. How, how,

Speaker 1: 6:52

yeah. You start deconstructing your entire life.

Speaker 3: 6:54

Yeah. And like, and there's no way I can go back to this. Like, you know, there's just, I don't know, it put me in a funk.

Speaker 1: 7:02

Well, I, I, dude, I totally get it. And a lot of times people forget that the self employed, uh, don't get guaranteed paychecks, you know? And so, you know, it's all, I, I've always had this, this sort of like, I dunno, pet peeve of people who are getting guaranteed checks throughout the year and they'd get their little Christmas bonus and they're get to, or maybe it's a big Christmas bonus, but either way, it's at the end of the year, they're still getting their checks, they're getting their bonuses, whatever app, man, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna shut everything down on the 15th. And I'm like looking at the 15th going, man, I need to work four more days, you know? Oh my gosh, I can't, how many times mr ham have a great holiday season? That check's going to be to you. I promise it's going to be to you January 3rd at the latest. It's like, well, uh, okay, I'll ask my kids to open their presence on January 4th then, you know, no, I'm the same way, dude. And it's not just financial, but it is an emotional thing where everything grinds to halt and you feel like you've been put in, in kind of a vault. You know what I mean? And, and, and the other thing is, you know, that nothing, nothing is really going to get started until February. Oh, at Nana. I mean, everybody's going to have, you know, January. Oh man, I'm playing catch up. You know, it's, it's nothing. Everything kinda, and I, I, I love the holidays. For me, it's a good trigger. I've, I've, my parents always did a great job of, you know, doing Christmas right. And I've always said, uh, you get enough bad days in your life. Christmas should not be one of them. You know what I mean? Especially when you're a kid. I'd bend over backwards to make sure my kids are like, you know, you know, ecstatic on Christmas morning and it's wonderful. It's for me, Deb, it's always the day after Chris, the G, December 26th to me is, that's the most depressed day of the year for me. And then the, in the 27th is when I have to, I panic and realize it's my anniversary. And then we start getting ready for new year's Eve. But the, but, but December 26th, the day after Christmas after, you know, after you've, you know, spent all the money and you've, you know, bought all the food and you've, you know, and that, and now you have to kind of look at the consequences and go, Oh man, okay. And then you feel like you kind of have to grind it back up and start, you know, start all over again. But, um, yeah, it's uh, the self employed, you know, I don't know how many people are listening who are self employed, but that is a, that is a tough row to hoe. And especially in holidays, uh, you have to really be strategic in how you manage your money and how you, you know, when you bring in certain amounts of income, et cetera, et cetera. And you always need twice as much money in December than you do the rest

Speaker 3: 9:48

always. And you never know. You know, I've had years where I worked up in, through, you know, right up to Christmas, right after Christmas. And it was like, Oh my, and then of course it's like, Oh, you know, I'm so busy, I can't even enjoy my family. And then I've had years where it's been just like crickets and there's, it's hard to plan for that.

Speaker 1: 10:08

I, I, I will tell you, I, when I was kind of in my workaholic days, um, and it was the year 1995, uh, and I write about this in my book, angels and idols, but I remember distinctly, I worked on Halloween. Uh, I was working on Thanksgiving day. I worked on Christmas Eve. I went into the office on Christmas day. Uh, I worked on new year's Eve and new year's day. Um, I went, I went into the office on Christmas day, uh, and the next year it was 96. I went into the office on Christmas day and my publisher was in there, Sean McSpadden on Christmas day. And we kind of looked at each other and went, what do we do? You know, this is this, this might be borderline obsession, you know, uh, and it was not a healthy thing. So, so, so I do believe, uh, I do believe in somehow being able to compartmentalize, to take that time off, be present with your family. And I've, I've made a, I made a rule in my house, uh, for my, for my family, extended family that comes over a lot of times they want to talk to me about what, what do you got going on? What are you doing? You know, and I've, I've kind of made this sort of unofficial, uh, unspoken rule. I've sort of whispered it throughout. I don't want to talk about my business on Christmas, right? You know, if you come over or if you become a real Christmas Eve or Christmas day, I don't really want to talk about what I'm doing and what I have going on. This is about something else.

Speaker 3: 11:48

It is in my family. Um, oftentimes will come to me and they're like, now what do you do again? What, what, what is your job again? You know, now when are you going to get a job? Are you? Well, and I think, David, are you going to finish college? I've done all of college. I'm going to do, and that's in another podcast for me. I mean the one thing you talk about that day particular and, and for me it's Christmas Eve getting everything prepped, especially when your kids are kind of at that golden Santa Claus. I can remember distinctly, you know, when my oldest started, you know, he got old enough to sit on Santa's lap without crying and back in the day, you know, you weren't always like buy it. You know, all the Santa setups were different. Right. And I can remember this one particular year, he always been a big boy, sat on SANAS lap and I could see his lips moving a lot. Okay. But I couldn't hear what he was saying. Right. I didn't, you know,

Speaker 1: 12:51

he's making stuff up in the moment right now.

Speaker 3: 12:54

And we're home later that night. Of course it's Christmas Eve and we're, we just settled, you know, we're trying to settle down and think about, okay, finally, you know, got everything together and this is probably like 11, 11, 30. And Jordan, my oldest at the time, he was three or four. He comes up to me, says, I can't wait. Daddy SANAS bringing me a big train with models and trees and everything. And I just, I just can't, I gotta go to sleep. I can't wait. And he went upstairs and I looked at my wife and I'm like, yeah, I just straight got my jacket on, got the keys, thank God for 24 hour Walmarts, keep trains and you know, you went out, got him the train and guess what there the next morning, you know, and that was, that's all part of it. You just love it.

Speaker 1: 13:42

Good. But that's a good memory. I, I, my, my son now is 13 and he started, um, he started asking Santa for things that don't, that don't exist. He, he started, he started making things up that he and I, and I would say, buddy, you know, I mean you gotta you know, you gotta, you gotta give Santa something. He can, you know that, that he knows, he goes, no, he makes everything at the workshop. I mean, he knows how to make a grappling hook with a star laser on it. I mean, he could, the elves can do, you know, he, he bought, he fully, fully bought in and then it kind of started turning on me.

Speaker 3: 14:24

Yeah. Anyway, you've got like duct tape and cardboard out. Like

Speaker 1: 14:30

I though that the last year that that happened, I actually did spend about a week building something that, I mean it was the best I could kind of figure out. And you know, he kind of looked at it when he opened it, a lack of, see the wheels turn. Like this is kind of what I was asking for, but I thought it would look a little more James Bond in this. I didn't think it was going to be made out of PVC. Um, you know, but, uh, those, those are, I mean, listen, you know, you, you make indelible memories on Christmas. I, I can't wait to talk to my son, you know, in a few years when he's, when he's been able to process some of his Christmas memories because I don't know about you Deb. I do know about you and everybody's like this. I had something that happened to me when I was nine that I kind of stowed away for years. I didn't think too much about it. I, I, I thought about it kind of every Christmas Eve sort of in passing. Um, but about, I would say five or six years ago, it started really haunting me, uh, because I started thinking about the weight of it. And that's what became the novella that you spoke about earlier. One silent night. Uh, when I started, when I really started processing this memory and thinking about it, um, I started, uh, just kinda rolling down the Hill, you know what I mean? It was like, Oh my gosh, a lot of stuff started unraveling. But when I was nine years old, my family was called to the mission, to the Nashville rescue mission. Uh, my father's a minister as was years as is. They both still are. But, um, and we were, you know, we were the musical family that went and sang for people and this and that. And, um, so we went to the Nashville rescue mission mission on Christmas Eve. I'll never forget it. Um, one of the rare times that there were snow flurries on Christmas Eve in Nashville. And, uh, we, we went in and we sang for, you know, the general population, uh, people, a lot of, you know, like older guys and people who, you know, kinda down on, on, on their luck. Uh, and then, you know, dad looks at the leader of the mission that kind of gave each other knowing nods and they let us back to this private room. And, uh, and it had been, it had been us and some church people, but in this particular case, it was just me, my dad, my mom and my brother were sort of ushered into this private room. And in this room was a lady who had just given birth that day and she was homeless and it was like she was there and there was a newborn baby. It was very, uh, it was a very stark thing for nine year old to see. I mean it was just, I, I, the minute I walked in, my first thought was, I don't think I should be in here, you know. Um, anytime I'm back to the VIP room at the, uh, at the shelter and family in the house, the green room right there was, there was going to be a bottled water and a mixed nuts, uh, a veggie tray. But no, no, there was none of that. But, uh, I, yeah, it was a, it was a really, we ask you though, what do you remember, like aside from him, cause you, you know, you're nine years old, you'd been around babies and stuff before. What about that particular incident made you feel like, Ooh, I shouldn't be in here? Well, the baby was smaller than most babies that I had seen. So I, I kind of put, put together, you know, that this baby has just been born, you know, this is what a newborn baby looks like. Um, and that was in itself a little bit off putting and that I'll never, the, the woman's robe I'll never forget was it was just, it was like, it was gray and it was like dirty and torn and her hair was kind of stringy. And I could, and then I may do this sounds dramatic, but it's true. Like she moved a certain way and I saw, I saw, you know, needle marks on her arm. I saw, I saw the tracks. I, I, and so I'd say, you know, my gosh, I'd seen enough cop shows or whatever to know, Oh, wait a minute. That's what they call it. That's what, that's what those are, you know. Um, and then I started putting it together in my head. This, this lady's a drug addict, you know, and, uh, this, she's in the homeless shelter. This is not, you know, this isn't a positive thing. This, she's, she's in a bad situation and it, and it just felt like really adult, you know, it felt like this is stuff adults should be dealing with. I don't know what I'm doing in here. Uh, lots of process at, at nine. Yeah. And I, you know, I've talked to my brother about, he was seven, he does not actually remember it. And so I was just on the cusp of that, you know, being able to, to burn memories where, you know, you remember him later and whatever. And uh, but we were there to basically sing for her. You know, we, we sang a couple of songs for her and she, you know, she sat there and just kinda balled like a baby and held her, held her newborn. And my mother brought her, you know, like a hairbrush and diapers and, you know, baby powder and just stuff that she would need, just basic staples. Um, and that turned into[inaudible] and I, and I've remembered it, but it was, but I just, I remember it usually every Christmas Eve, once, once in, during a Christmas Eve, I'll, I'll get a quiet moment and I'll remember it and I'll start thinking, I'll start wondering about what happened to that kid, you know, what happened to that woman, what happened to her child? And, um, a few years ago I wrote a blog about it and, and it sent me, really sent me down this rabbit hole of imagination and, and questions and all kinds of stuff. And that, that's what ended up becoming the, the a novella one silent night. And also you brought up the Christmas Cantata. That was also the, probably one of the last years that I was there, the little drummer boy in the Christmas play. And I don't, I don't, I'm sure this was the same day. Same with you buddy, cause you, you played drums young as well as, as, as I did seven, eight

Speaker 3: 20:47

hard years of a little drummer boy. People, you know.

Speaker 1: 20:54

Exactly. And it when you can play the drums young, they always write you into the Christmas play as the little drummer boy, you know, you, they can't not, you know, and I think you said one time, you know, a 49 year old overweight guy doesn't look right as the little drummer. Boy, you know, this is nowhere in scripture by the way. This story was just completely made up out of whole cloth by Catherine Kennecott Davis, a songwriter. I love it though. I love, I love a little drummer. Boy. It's probably my favorite Christmas song. It's, it's a wonderful imagining of someone giving their all, you know, and in it, I can't hardly get through it without tearing up because it just reminds me of being that kid and I relate to him on so many levels or related to him, you know, that any, you know, whenever I sing the line, I'm a poor boy too. I mean, dude, I mean I was, you know, that's the way I was raised in and I played my drum for him. I played my best for him. I mean, that's,

Speaker 3: 21:56

and that was your offering, right?

Speaker 1: 21:57

That's it. That's, that was my offering. And that's honestly, man to this day, it's, I played just, uh, just last week in New Jersey and, uh, in, in as I was singing it, I re I, I'm thinking to myself, this is still all I really have to give, you know, this is, this is the only thing of that gap. The gap got this little, you know, this little ability that, um, I keep trying to hone in and perfect and give, you know, give all of it. Uh, so that song just wrecks me. So that song coupled with that story, because that, you know, earlier that week I had played the little drummer boy in the Christmas play and then sang silent night in this lady's, uh, well in this homeless shelter and all of that, all of those memories running together really is what became the novella one silent night. And, and the CD that, you know, all of the songs from the CD are embedded in the story,

Speaker 3: 22:56

which I think is great. And that's such a, you know, the concept of that song. Uh, cause that was the same way. I can remember laying even doing it at church, but even listening to it on the radio and you know, cause we would always take long Christmas trips and you'd, you know, it'd be really quiet. That was before seatbelts, so you could kind of lay down and relax in the back seat and you just kind of like, and that song would come on. And I'm just watching the stars go by. I mean, there's a lot of memories, but, but you know, it all goes together with, you know, the, the story of the Wiseman and just in general, it's like, you know what, in life in general like this, you give what you can give and sometimes it's a little, sometimes it's a lot. Um, but dude, why don't we play a little bit of that, that, that song I'd love to be great. Yeah. Right. I'm just gonna roll it.

Speaker 4: 23:49

Um, they to me[inaudible] Oh, a newborn team to see[inaudible] finest gifts. We bring Burr up. Um, uh, maybe for the[inaudible] rapid ramp up,

Speaker 3: 24:28

so

Speaker 4: 24:28

to honor him[inaudible] um, when we

Speaker 5: 24:41

[inaudible]

Speaker 6: 24:46

[inaudible]

Speaker 4: 24:47

rum.

Speaker 6: 24:53

Hi.

Speaker 4: 24:53

I am a pool boy too. I have no gift to bring. That's good to[inaudible]

Speaker 3: 25:23

man. That's such true. I mean, every time I hear it, I can remember just real quickly a story. You know, when you were doing this and you had sent me in an early version of it just before I was going to take a road trip that year we were gonna, we were driving to one of the family somewhere and you know, my wife was, you know, she passes out asleep before we get out of the driveway. So it's just kind of me and my, you know, my headphones and, and it was a perfect time and I listened to the entire thing and there was a couple of times I had to pull over. Like I, I was just crying like a baby. And then when that song came on and I'm just like, and then like my wife kind of stirred around and looked at me and like, um, tears are coming down my eyes. She's like, you okay? And like, I'm fine. I'm just listening to Reggie's new Christmas thing. He just put out. Oh, and she went back to sleep. But dude, it's, it's very inspiring. It really is.

Speaker 1: 26:18

Well, I appreciate it and it honestly kind of wraps up for me the story of this bench ass stain. The, the meat, the main character has a lot of bad memories of Christmas. And I think it, it goes perfectly with what the way you started this, uh, this, this podcast. But this guy, and, and I, and I recognize there are just so many people out there who have a lot of bad triggers with Christmas. They've got a lot of things that have happened to them that they would somehow love to reconcile. And, uh, the movie saving Mr. Banks is one of my favorites. And there's a great scene where a Walt Disney is trying to convince the lady who wrote the Mary Poppins books, um, to, to let him make this movie. And she's not very happy about the frivolity of the movie and they're dancing with penguins and all of this kind of whimsical stuff she's just not happy with. Because the real story is about the Mary Poppins character. They're the real story she didn't even write about. But that, that we see that the we see that actually happened was her father was, you know, uh, uh, an alcoholic and this woman was basically coming to their house to help get him clean. And that's who Mary Poppins actually was in. And she ultimately did not get the job done. And he actually, uh, it's, it's, I don't want to give the movie away, but it's, it's a very tragic story that she turned into these books and Walt Disney is trying to turn it into this really kind of, you know, whimsical almost, you know, just kind of Pollyanna looking film and she can't reconcile that. And Walt Disney says something to her that I love. He says, you know, artists get to rewrite the story and give it a happy ending. And I love that concept. And I think maybe in some way, once silent night is sort of my attempt at that in and in giving this guy, this Ben Shasta and character who has all of these really negative, very tragic triggers with Christmas to give this person a wonderful Christmas redemption. And I think that's the thing. We're kind of always looking for, right? And that's, and the good news about Christmas, the bad news is the stakes are high and anything bad can happen and you remember it for the rest of your life. But the good news about Christmas is you get a chance every year to, to maybe redeem that in some way, you know, to, to, to, to, to add a great memory to the Christmas bank of memories, um, that then you can now look back on and go, man, that five years ago, my grandmother, dad, but man, last year this happened and it was great. And now I can kind of balance those things out. That's what you hope. That's what you hope can happen during the holidays, right?

Speaker 3: 29:19

Yeah. You do. And, and even though those memories won't go away, um, you know, there's something that I've kind of discovered later in life as well. Um, you always kind of think, you know, Oh, you know, I'm just gonna it's going to be a happy Christmas, or if I could just get this for Christmas or if I can do this or, I mean, it's all about the human story and the human spirit. And, uh, I've often wondered why I'd be driving somewhere on Christmas Eve going to a family member's house or whatever and you drive by a bar or something, you know, and it's like packed. And as a kid always, I was always wondering like, you know, what are they doing in there? You know, like, why aren't they home with their families? And, um, you know, and, and I'm not saying like that, you know,

Speaker 1: 29:59

now you know why they were in leaders.

Speaker 3: 30:02

Now my car is parked at a park in the back.

Speaker 1: 30:09

Now you walk in and like 15 people said,[inaudible]

Speaker 3: 30:11

dev, Hey, everybody knows my name. Merry Christmas. Uh, but it is, you know, I think it's a time of year to reflect. And something else we want to touch on just briefly and not, this is kind of dawned on me a couple of weeks ago, but you know, not only are we coming up on the end of, you know, the year as always and how time flies, you know, we're coming up on the end of a decade dude, right? We're getting ready to cross off another 10. And, uh, I, I kind of get kind of freaked out on my head sometimes. Cause you know, when you have kids and you've, you've kind of raised your kids and you look back on it, or like even the high school experience when I was in high school, dude, I was there for four years and it seemed like it was 20, you know, you look back on raising your kids and, and you'd look back like, man, that went so fast and, and I think about these past 10 years and I'm like, man, you know, it seemed to go by fast, but, but as I begin to kind of process it, there's so much you can do in 10 years. I mean it's, it's a huge amount of time, but, uh, and, and I don't, I don't, I don't know about you. I mean, I think we've talked about this before. I don't buy in a whole lot of, you know, like new year's resolutions anymore or anything like that. Um, just because I feel like, you know, I mean some people do and it helps spark change and congratulations. And I hope, you know, I wish the best for everybody, however you process things. But, uh, yeah, it just kind of struck me that we're, we're crossing off another 10 man.

Speaker 1: 31:43

Well, there's a couple of things I'm upset about. The flying cars is definitely one. It mandate this, I think signs led us down there, you know? Uh, and then also the, all the matching silver jumpsuits. I just thought we'd all be wearing matching silver jumpsuits.

Speaker 3: 31:57

My perspective on the flying cars, there's a reason that we don't have flying cars and I'm okay with it because these people can't even drive cars that are, you know, planted to the ground mean, can you imagine?

Speaker 1: 32:10

We really haven't mastered the car yet. You know what I mean? Like the driving car, yet I'm still holding out for the jumpsuits though. This the matching silver jumpsuit. Let's just

Speaker 3: 32:21

do it. Let's just start grass roots.

Speaker 1: 32:24

Yeah. I, I, that's the, that's the thing that always intrigued me about the future was that we all dressed the same. I just, I was a, I'd always look at that and go, man, when, when does that happen? When do we all start buying our clothes at the same place? We get the same suit. Everybody's the same, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3: 32:41

Let me ask you a question and as we kind of start wrapping this up, but you know, this is kind of a big question for you. Who as we're talking about coming to the end of this decade, I mean, what are you seeing for yourself? What, what do you have ahead of you? And I'm not asking you, you know, about necessary projects and that thing, but where do you find yourself kind of at, in life at this time? At this stage?

Speaker 1: 33:05

Man, that's a really, that is a big question and it's a really, uh, you're, you're asking me at a really interesting time in my life. Um, Deb, you know, you know me since we're 18 years old, um, I, I was always a goal maker. You know, I would write since I was probably 18 or 19, I, maybe younger than that, I would get three by five cards every year, write lists of goals. I want to achieve this, I want to achieve that, uh, and end a lot of years I did those things. Um, every year when I was signed to this certain publisher, uh, I'll talk about Sean McSpadden. We, we would do, we would get the, our pads out, you know, first week of January, we'd sit down with our legal pads, OK, here's what we want to, we want to go here. We want to go there, we want to do this, we want to do that. Um, and I think, I'm kinda getting to a place now in my life where this is gonna sound kinda corny and maybe esoteric. It's really about resonance. It's really about all the projects that I do. I want them, I want to resonate with people. I want to honestly help people through that, through the projects, uh, that I do. Um, I, I, I don't necessarily have, you know, lists of goals. I think what I do now is every year I kind of have one large, uh, goal is maybe the wrong word, but just kind of, uh, uh, project, uh, a projection. Like, uh, last year I had this, I, I kind of distilled everything down to one thing and there was a certain project I really wanted to get on wheels and I just thought 2019 is the year to do it. And literally we may be, you know, getting it, uh, it may be happening like right here at the last week of the year and it took, it took all year to, to, to make it happen. But through that process, um, w one of the things you learn is a lot, a lot of times things take longer than you think they're going to take. So I would say fewer goals, just more important goals. And, and really within those things, w I, I really shoot for more for a concept of, of resonating with people, with helping people with, um, I don't know if that makes any sense, but, uh, uh, you know, instead of me going, I want to write 50 songs next year and I want to, I want to have three number one songs, you know, when I was a songwriter, primarily a songwriter or I want to do 50 podcast next year, would they have, and I want them to go viral and this and that. I, I w I wanna write, you know, 200 blogs and I want to at least four of them to go, you know, to go viral. I think now what I really want to do is, it's not even really about the quantity and now it's a, it's not even necessarily about the quality per se. The quality obviously has to be there, but it's about the resonance. It's about the impact, it's about them, the significance making a difference with, with everything that I do. Making, uh, making an impact, helping somebody realize something they've been trying to realize or discover something they've been trying to discover or you know, find hope in something they've been needing. Um, some might say that that is helping you find God, you know, may helping you point the point your self in the right direction. And that's really what my life has become about, uh, lately and particularly this year. It's, it's, I've been through a big process, uh, this year and that's really what it comes down to. And so I would, I would finish up by asking you the same question. What, what do you see for Devin?

Speaker 3: 36:36

You know, I think for me it's probably less and less as you said, you know, when you were younger it was all about what's next? What am I going to do next? How am I gonna, you know, build my career and, and, and I, I don't have any plans of stopping and learning. Cause I think that's important. I think as you get older it's, you know, I never want to stop learning things cause you can get, you know, especially in, in our business, man, you can get left behind in a heartbeat. Um, I think I'm in the same boat. You know, we've talked about[inaudible] and we both collectively we've got separate projects going on and some projects together. And then of course, uh, the podcast, um, my goal I think for the podcast is to, you know, bring as many people on as we can and, and just let people share stories because there's a lot of, there's a lot of stuff that happens where the real stories are to it, you know, it's kinda like what you're made of is what helps you get up and do what you have to do. I create content and I think about that and how I can help, you know, impact somebody's life. And I see it. I don't know if it's maybe because I'm getting older or you know, we're both getting older, but I can see that, well, you're getting older. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. You're the one that doesn't Mark timing. I don't Mark Tom anymore, but I think people are more receptive to, like you said, I mean needing some hope. And for me there's something that I'm trying to wake up to and I'm not awake to that yet, but I am trying to wake up to this whole, and you know, it sounds a little cliche too, cause there's a billion books on it, but trying to just live in the moment, trying to, and then now, because I've, I've now had the chance in my life where I've had ups and downs, I've had successes, I've had failures, um, and, and success and success in your life when you're 20 or 30 means one thing, a success in your later in life, it could mean another. But one thing I'm finding is it doesn't matter if you succeed or if you fail, they both require you to start over. And that's a truth. And it's so, it's kind of about change and, and man, you know, like if, if, if, if I had$1 billion in the bank tomorrow, my life would be so stressed out. Like, Oh, what are we going to do with this? What are we going to do with this money? I mean there's so, you know what I mean? So it's kind of like trying to learn to live in that moment and, and, and take the time to enjoy what's happening as it's happening. Because being self employed and have my own company and you know, you get this man, it's like one day, my wife and I were talking about this last night, you know, you've got those years or months where you're like, man, you're just, you're grinding, grinding, grinding. And it's like no one even hears you. Like you're screaming and there's nothing coming out. No one looks at you, no one calls you. And then for whatever reason, all of a sudden the next month everybody's calling you. And I think the key there is to, you know, it's not luck, it's about consistency. And I think for me that's what, what I'm trying to push towards is being more consistent, focusing more on things that matter in the long run, coming from the marketing promo world, everything has to be done. Now we've got a promo that's going to air on ABC tomorrow night at seven 30 this thing has to be done, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And so my whole life, a lot of my life has been based on like hard deadlines and stuff like that. Um, but I'm now trying to turn my focus on longer form projects, things that do take longer. And believe me, as you said, everything takes long way longer than you think it's going to. You always hear about these like a list like movie stars and directors that were like, yeah, it took us 10 years to get that film may. And I'm thinking, why, you know, I bet I could do a film in eight months. I just need the chance. Well guess what? That is not the way it works my brands. But that's, that's kinda,

Speaker 1: 40:45

well it's that, that really, I think both of our answers point back to the, the, the reason for this podcast and the name of it is the groove and there is a, there is a lifelong art to finding the quote unquote the groove in your own life. And in your own way and your own journey. And it sounds like that's what we're both trying to get to. I think this coming year as we have more guests on and as we talk more about these issues, we're going to start getting into the groove, you know, and, and hopefully that will help everybody listening. You know, that, that I, we're certainly not doing this just to hear ourselves talk. We can talk on the phone and do that, but we're certain, you know, we wanna we want to do this to kind of help people, uh, you know, get themselves in the groove, man. Whatever that means to you. If that means, uh, a health journey or if that means a professional journey or if that means, uh, a relationship journey or all of that stuff. Uh, and let me say it all relates, you know, it all, it all interconnects and uh,

Speaker 3: 41:52

it doesn't, some of the, the guests that we'll have on are going to be guests who are going to inspire and, and just their story will inspire. Uh, but I think I've said it before. I hope we have some guests on that, that maybe aren't used to telling their story. Maybe they're not speakers and maybe they're not singers or artists. And as they begin to tell their story, maybe they'll discover something and then through that other people can discover something. We can all pick up something as the intro of our, of our podcast, you know, we're all just, our lives are just made up of stories. If it weren't for stories, I don't know what would exist.

Speaker 1: 42:28

Well, and everybody's got a story whether they think they do or not. And a lot of, a lot of times, your, your wonderful story is, is being hampered by just either your inability or your unwillingness to tell it, uh, or an inability to even see it. You know, uh, talk to somebody at the mall, talk to somebody, you know, sitting next to sit next to somebody to theater or somewhere and just get them talking about themselves and you'll find everybody's lived a movie. You know, everybody's lived some sort of dramatic thing. And so you're right Deb, I think, I think we're going to have a lot of guests that'll be surprising this year. So I, for one, want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, whatever you celebrate. Um, happy holidays and uh, really wish for a great new year for everyone. I think it's going to be fantastic. I choose to look at it positively. We're going to see some great and terrible things happen. There's going to be a, there's going to be triumph and there's going to be tragedy. Some of us are going to fall, some of us are going to fly, some of us are going to do all of that stuff within the same year. But that doesn't mean you can't be moving forward and it can't be a net positive.

Speaker 3: 43:42

Absolutely. And I as well would like to wish everybody happy. Holidays and red. I'd love to kind of go back to your, uh, one silent night. I encourage everybody to go out. Tell first of all, and this, these are gonna, this is going to be in the show notes. Um, everybody but read real quickly. Where can people go and get one silent night.

Speaker 1: 44:03

If you, if you subscribe to the groove podcast, you can get the audio book for free on our website.

Speaker 3: 44:11

Awesome. And with that, how about we close with one of probably the most fun songs on the novella. A deck. The hall, the deck, the halls meant,

Speaker 1: 44:22

yeah, yeah, the Dick balls madly. I'd love that. And let's definitely start it though. With my son's original offering, Santa Claus, you are my favorite. He read it when he four years old and I got to tell you real quickly, we were going to see Santa and we were in the studio and he goes, dad, I got to take him a present. He said, everybody asked Santa for presence, but nobody takes him a present. Oh man. And he said, I got an idea. So he had me turn pro tools on and he made this song up in the moment, boom. And I recorded it and we took the CD to Santa and gave it to him as a gift. I had to put it at the beginning of deck, the halls because it's just too cute. So the beginning of this is Gabe Ham's, uh, original song Santa. You are my favorite and then we go into it.

Speaker 3: 45:10

We'll definitely start with that one. So a happy holidays everybody. Be sure to go to the groove, podcast.com for the show notes and find out more information and sign up for a to get one silent night and you will not regret it. Thanks guys.

Speaker 7: 45:26

You bring me all those toys and go have a favorite. Oh, yay.

Speaker 6: 45:39

Jack. The house with[inaudible][inaudible] TIS the season to be

Speaker 5: 45:57

[inaudible].

Speaker 6: 46:05

We now have a walkie[inaudible]. You will take care[inaudible]

Speaker 8: 47:43

you've been listening to the groove with Devin Pence and Reggie ham.